Crack Files: Serah & Noel
by Shadow of Intent
Summary: Random moments of XIII-2 with a twist of bashing, pervertness, relationship issues, and lulz. M rated for language! XIII-2 was full of lulz for me and the storyline made no sense at all, but I had fun playing it. ENJOY!


**XIII-2 was so full of lulz I just had to write a fic dissing them. I won't lie though, I did enjoy the game, but the story line made absolutely no sense at all to me. Although watching Serah die was worth the money and wait. Yeul and her many copies were a little creepy though (Come play with us Caius, forever and ever and ever). Fuck no wonder he wants Noel to kill him so badly haha.**

**Final Fantasy XIII-2 and characters are owned by Square Enix!**

"Damn it! They just keep coming!" Noel panted before collapsing on a bench in exhaustion. Serah and Mog followed suit soon after, both equally exhausted. Luckily they had came across an area that had protective barriers up and working, allowing them to take a quick break from the hoards of Cie'th.

"I know right? Those guys are worse then Britney Spears fans," Serah panted.

"Who the hell is Britney Spears?" Noel raised a brow.

"Never mind."

"Anyway, at this rate we'll be down on our knees weak by the time we reach Caius."

"And with Cie'th spawning every five seconds, this city will be code ghoul by morning. I swear to Etro what the hell was Square Enix thinking! This place is more fucking confusing then the Chaotic Labyrinth!" **(****G****od forbid, wors****t**** world ever. Made the theme my cell ring tone though xD)**

"All those people...Damn it! We should have never came to this time! Its all our fault everyone is being attacked and turning into Cie'th." Noel brought his hands to his face cursing himself in despair.

Serah immediately began laughing.

Mog and Noel both looked at her in bewilderment now as she got up, laughing so hard tears were beginning to form at the corner of her eyes.

"How can you find any of this funny kupo! Mog demanded.

Serah's face immediately turned deadly, "Seriously, shut the hell up right now Mog."

"Serah, what the hell is your problem?" Noel's eyes widened in surprise as Serah got up and pointed in both his and Mog's faces.

"My problem? My problem is you believing that all this shit is our fault! I mean give me a fucking break Noel! Do you see me turning people into freaks of nature while chasing underage kids into alley and doing god knows what to them?" And I know sure as hell your not that Cie'th outside the barriers ripping out a girl's spine while spitting poison in her face in front of a purple freak with feathers." Serah immediately pointed out.

"OH MY GOD SHE'S DEAD!" **(Poor Caius, I'm sure he'll have fun cleaning that up)**

Noel immediately began to back away from the rampaging woman, "Okay your right about that, but ever since we came to this time everything has gone to utter shit! I bet you anything Caius is the one doing it but you can never be to sure."

"Or that Fal'cie giving me the middle finger on top of the Academy building could be the real culprit," Mog suddenly replied and pointed his staff at the Impressive looking building in the middle of the city. **(Adam being an ass for the lulz, ****and yes I know he doesn't have hands, its a fanfic people!****)**

"What the hell?" Serah immediately looked out into the distance and her mouth dropped within an instant. "Are you fucking kidding me!?" She screeched now.

"Hey take it easy, aren't the Fal'cie supposed to protect people? It couldn't be responsible for all-OW FUCK!" Noel collapsed to the ground before he could finish his sentence, now holding onto his precise jewels as he rolled over in pain. Serah pulled her foot back and growled in utter irritation.

"As if all the bullshit Barthandelus and Orphan gave everyone wasn't enough for people to see the truth! Its only been a few years and this was the best idea those stupid ass prickly faced whore monger scientists that are making everyone pay up fifty thousand a year could come up with for the future city? And giving it full power over this city's security system and authority to turn people into Cie'th whenever it damn well pleases too! I can't believe my family became l'cie to save people as fucked in the head as this!"

"I-I think one of them popped." Noel groaned, still holding his nuts.

"I swear to Etro when I find out who was fucking stupid enough to create another fal'cie so help me I'm going to strangle them with their own intestines after I shove my foot so far up their ass the last thing their tongue will taste be the Long Gui shit I stepped in today!" Serah began to laugh an evil maniac laugh, causing Mog to shiver and hide behind a sign close by.

Suddenly there was a loud crack, and moments later the protective barriers keeping the Cie'th out instantly came down. Cie'th immediately came rushing in, only to stop in their tracks when Serah stopped laughing and gave them the evil eye.

"Can't you annoying assholes see I'm having a moment here!? For fuck sakes we're not even anywhere close to the Northwest side of the map yet and your still popping up every five seconds? For the love of Etro what the hell do you freaks want!?"

Some of the Cie'th within the group, which consisted mainly of Ghasts and Ghouls, instantly shook their heads before turning around to leave.

"Geez I just wanted to ask where the hell we are, this city is a freakin maze!" a Ghoul commented.

"Fucking bitch, now I see why Villiers left her sorry ass behind."

"I can't believe Zenobia tentacle butchered the Seeress girl in front of all those people, there goes the family neighborhood status for this city." All the Cie'th laughed now.

_Meanwhile in Yasachas Massif 010 AF-_

Hope and Alyssa's mouths were agape as images from Academia 400 AF came to a halt on the Oracle drive. There was a long pause before Hope stood up and began looking through some papers on the long meeting desk behind the machine.

"Umm sir, what are you planning to do?" Alyssa asked and began playing with her fingers nervously.

"I'm turning in my resignation and going to have some fun getting incinerated by Adam at the Augusta Tower. **(Spoiler)** There's no way in hell I'm tasting Long Gui crap by a boot coming up my throat. I'll let Adam pass judgment on me."

"Sir, we could just cancel the project now before any the damage is actually done. Wouldn't that just be the easiest way?"

"Do you know how much money it took to get where we are with Adam, if people find out all the money we funded from them went to shit and they won't be getting it back it'll be their boots up our asses."

Finding the papers he wanted, Hope immediately began walking out of the tent, only to have Alyssa grab onto his arm and stop him.

"Wait! There is...Well we could..." Alyssa bit her bottom lip.

"What?"

"We could...Blame someone else for the whole mess...Lets say...Your father?" She grinned evilly before letting go of his arm, allowing him to take what she said in.

"Shit why didn't I think of that! That's a great idea! The asshole owes us and everyone else here overtime anyway. That and he threatened to move the Oracle Drive elsewhere if he caught me masturbating to images of Light again." **(Yes I'm screwed up I know, ****doin this for the lulz****)**

"Great! I'll change the name on all the paperwork later. Oh and one more thing, Are we going to modify Adam to prevent the events we saw from happening?"

Hope took a seat and put his hands behind his head, "Pfft hell no. We'll nuke the hell out of the place when the time comes. It'll be Fallout four, but most of the mutants will be leftover Cie'th. Then we'll awaken Atlas and have him finish off all the other remaining places by singing shitty Jesse McCartney lyrics. That will get Lightning's attention." **(Lolwut?)**

"Perfect!" They both high-fived and instantly got to work. It was good being total douches.

**END OF PART 1**

**Hope I managed to get some lolz out of you readers. Next chapter will be up soon and shall be taking place within the failure that is The Augusta Tower. Fal'cie Adam sucks, Team Dahaka fools! Oh yes, and all unfinished stories are now discontinued, lost of interest, time to move unto better ideas. Sorry to disappoint everyone who was waiting. :(**

**Please review if you wish!**


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